Open When You Can't Sleep

Open When You Can't Sleep...

… and you’re wondering if this is ever going to stop? Or how is it going to stop if that’s possible? You’re so exhausted so why can’t you just sleep? Maybe you're having flashbacks. Maybe your mind is over-exhausting thoughts like what you 'could have, should have, would have' done differently that day or night. Maybe you're feeling hopeless. Maybe you're contemplating things no one should ever contemplate.. though we do. You're wrestling the darkness, you're exhausted, but your mind just WON’T stop sprinting on that damn overused treadmill, cycling the same thoughts over and over and over again.

I'd like to tell you I understand every aspect of it in every possible way- and I kind of do.... but I kind of don't. I kind of don't because no two people are the same and no two stories are ever the same. You will have to deal with things I'll never understand and I’ve done the same. That being said, though I may not understand everything, that's okay. No one has to. I am here to listen and to walk through it with you if that's what you would like, or I can sit and pray from a distance. You're never, ever alone. Lean on me if you want. Lean on your amazing mama, family or friends. Lean on God. Even more than leaning, let those around you fight for you.

During some of my darkest times fighting this physical, mental, emotional and even spiritual battle, a good friend of my mom’s came to me with a word of advice and comfort. She told me it is okay for me to take a break from fighting- it’s okay to let go and rest. Now, that is much easier said than done, but there’s more to it than just the words. You’re not giving up and you’re not being weak by taking a rest. Even the strongest men and bravest warriors in the world can only fight for so long without rest. So rest. Regain your strength. Rest in HIS peace. He is the Prince of Peace, the King of Kings. Rest, and while you do, know that there is an army praying for you and fighting the battle for you on a spiritual level. We are praying for you and fighting for your peace of mind. My mom's friend really helped change the game for me with this advice. On my hardest days, I take a deep breath, close my eyes, and remember- “It is okay to let go for a bit. This battle is still being fought, just not by me at the moment.” Now, don’t hear me wrong. I don’t just decide “I’m going to let go!” and POOF it’s gone, I was able to let go! It took a lot of trial and error. It’s a learning process. I have been practicing this for a few years at this point and can do it successfully. It took a couple weeks to really get the hang of before I finally felt successful, but I had a secret weapon that helps. Okay, not-so-secret-weapon. It’s the Bible. Whenever I’m having trouble, as the phrase goes, “let go and let God.” It’s not always as easy as simply handing it over, but it is possible to shift your focus. To do this, I open up the Word and pray about anything, or nothing. Peace usually comes. “Ask, and it will be given to you; seek, and you will find; knock, and it will be opened to you. For everyone who asks receives, and the one who seeks finds, and to the one who knocks it will be opened.” Matthew 7:7-8

Some other things I have found that can help when I'm having a sleepless night: look at dog pictures, make a happy board on Pinterest, color, doodle, listen to music, journal, do ANYTHING but just lay there. Laying alone in the darkness can be dangerous for your mind. Like most things in life, I have found that healing comes through baby steps. How does one eat an elephant? One bite at a time. Turn one page at a time and take your sweet time.

When you open this letter, I’m assuming you couldn’t sleep (hence the Open When You Can’t Sleep) sooo go ahead and search this album on YouTube or whatever music streaming device you’d like. I have slept countless nights while this album played, I hope it brings you at least a piece of the peace it has brought me. The album is Nightsong by Off the Ground Collective and it's available on all platforms I believe.